Sunday, September 23, 2012

Love and Hate

Do you ever fall in love at the first sight? Do you ever attached to someone although it's the first time you met? No i'm not talking about crush or bf/gf here, i'm talking about friends. It has been raughly 4 months since we first met, yet i still feels like it's just like yesterday we met. Everyday i see their new sides. Both good and bad sides. 

I still remember how Farah approached us at the first place, luckily she make the move. Because i'm not an approacher haha. i dont know how to approach people, how to make friends. i think it's the benefit of getting into form 6, so i didnt have to make a whole new friends, at least i have tyra besides me during the orientation, so it's not so hard. besides, it's also my old school, so i know most of the teachers, and seniors. 

so, about seeing their new side, it's like peeling an onion. there's so many layers. so is my friends. good and bad. everyday they show me something i never expected to see. it's like "bapak ah masuk air siak otak budak ni" and "gila ah tak penah aku nampak kau macam ni". 

i have a terrible memory of making friends, i once accidentaly chose the wrong person to be friends with. I dont know how to pick a friend, a good friend.  normally i'll stick to someone who i like, or someone who really match well with me, or agreeing on every things i said or did. but it turn out they stick with me for their own benefits. once i had a friend who only wants money. my parents are quite rich la and my 'friend' always ask for money, and i will give to her because she is my friend. then when i dont have any money she stick to someone else, but of course i dont want to lose my friend because she is the only friend that i have that time so i stole my mother's money WTF.  stories after that is private fml

i dont know how to approach people because i think i dont have the special attractiveness in me. i mean look at me. i'm not beautiful/cute altho i always said i am, but deep down inside i know that i'm not. my heart also not beautiful (if you're saying beautiful is measured by the heart) i dont have the nice/loving/polite attitude either. i sit in a very not polite way. i talk with a very not polite way, i always cursing people, talk bad behind them (if they're not my friend la) in short, i sucks. 

i tried to change my behavior eg. talk/behave in polite way, telling myself beautiful so mind will control the body to act beautifully wtf and it works! but after some times, i realise that i'm not me anymore. i acted like someone else, so i'm back with me again and my friends said i changed and left me (is that they call themselved FRIENDS?!!)  so i crossed my fingers and stick to a totally not-my-style group of girls. thats how i survive my form 4 and 5. 

now im trying to be a good and wonderful friend who is always there for them, if they cry i cry, if they happy i will too.  i am trying to not to treat them like friends, but to treat them like a family. i have 2 families now wtf. 1 family for day time, and another 1 for night time haha because nowadays i went out for school at 7AM and come home at 5PM extra classes FTW!!! 

this is Farah. 

from left : pika, farah, me, minah, tyra

ah btw, do you believe that i can get Band 4 in MUET with this kind of writing?! aku ingat English aku ni layak untuk Band 1 je 


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