Saturday, October 14, 2017

what i have been up to

Hello internet people. I dont think theres anyone who reads my blog. But even so, I still wants to write something today. to be honest, i really dont understand what i am going through right now. lots had happened. but what happened, really made me think more about life. more about family. more about love. more about friends. 

to be honest, during the hard time, i really thought of putting my life to an end. during that  time, i was weak, i was alone far from family, and i feel like theres no one can help me. the pain i felt that time is unbearable. i felt like i cannot take it anymore. there was a time when im feeling like killing myself, when the negative emotions controlled my mind. but God saved me. He sent my roommate to save me. she normally wont be in our room when its weekend, but that day, she said she felt like staying at our room to finish her thesis. only God knows how im grateful that time. He sent the right people at the right time. if she late for few minutes day day, i may not be writing this right now. i know this is stupid, but i really cant take it anymore that time.

i know its stupid, to think that a guy is your everything. and when he left, you feel like your whole world crumbling, your whole world collapsing, gone in a blink of an eye. i know it is stupid to think that way. i know its stupid to feel like that eventho we're just merely 2 years together. but 2 years to me is a long time. as for he is my first (real) love. i really thought that he is the one. but i am a fool. no he he is not cheating on me. just that theres other factor that we're decided to put an end to our relationship.

they said time will heal everything. so far i have not been healed. im wounded. the scar is too big. every time i see/ reminded anything about him, my scar bleeds again. keeping myself busy is the only key to survive. keeping myself busy will distracts me from thinking about him. dreams that was once a beautiful dream is now a nightmare. i still dream about him. it feels nice. but when i woke up, it feels like we've just broke up yesterday. i feel like the wound is fresh, and the pain became unbearable again because he is not here besides me.

my emotional state is very fragile ever since then. i can easily cry whenever things get hard. but i realised, that if i sink too deep into the emotions, i cannot get anywhere. my advice for anyone going thru hard times, surround yourself with people. not just your friends. anyone really. they can help you to feel less lonely. ofcourse you can feel lonely eventho you're surrounded by people, you feel lonely at heart. but they can help you to talk, to interact, instead of you dwell into your emotions. when you're alone, things in your mind can go crazy. force yourself to be with people. thats what really help me back then.

i stop writing this post 3 months ago because it has been too hard for me and never try to continue to write. but today i feel like posting this, although i dont want to continue writing.  

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

an update..

Wow. It has been a very long time since i last updated this blog. I forgot that i have a blog to be honest. I'm hooked with the Insta Story currently that and have been active posting there instead of collecting stories and pictures to post here, like i did previously. No dont get me wrong, im not doing this for the readers, i dont really think i have any readers reading this blog XD I'm just posting this so i can look back to my memories i've created and feelings that i've write. kinda like you save your pictures in icloud, but mine is in this blog (although some of my older posts, the pictures has gone missing wtf)

Today is 7th February, 2 more days until the result of my 5th semester to be announce. Then on the 14th, i'll be flying back to Sabah, for my last semester, the 6th Semester. Yes i am in my final year of degree. I couldnt express how i am feeling right now as it is all mixed up! i dont know whether to feel happy because it finally comes to an end, or to feel sad because this semester might be the last time i can hangout with my UMS friends, and experience Sabah. No one knows. It is very bittersweet. 

Honestly, when i was in Sabah few years ago, during a vacation with my parents, i seriously swear that i dont want to step foot in Sabah anymore, I hate it so much at the time. I dont remember what made me to hate Sabah so much that time. But, shit happened. Somehow something happened. i dont remember what happened. And it made me feel like i want to get away from my own life, get out from Melaka.  So i applied UMS and UNIMAS in UPU. You see i have this habit of intentionally forgetting the bad thing happened to me. So i dont even remember what had happened that made me made the decision. 

For the first time in my life, i live very far away from my family, far from my childhood friends, far from home. For the first time i live by my own but have roommates. Hostel life during my form 1 and 2 cannot count la cuz i already forgot how it feels like, plus it was only like 20 minutes away from my house, every weekend can go back home. But this time cannot, midterm break only can go back home. And i experienced many first times by my own. My first bus accident, my first earthquake, my first boat ride, my first study week without mom getting mad asking me to study XD

Sabah has been wonderful for me. And i can say, I like KK as much as i like Melaka. I'm not a city girl, and also not a country girl. KK and Melaka share the same traits, as they are not so city like, and not country like. They are very balanced. WHich i love. Im not fond of living in the city, as it can be very hectic and honestly im afraid of big hectic cities. But perhaps i like this 2 cities only because i've only live in those 2 cities XD Ya it might be. 

Enough with the rumbling. 

It is nice catching up with old friends, seeing how they changed for the better, and somehow they also remain as themselves as the old times. 

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Letting go of my manga comics?

Anyone want to buy? 

Saturday, July 30, 2016

The truth

Recently ada terbaca IIUM Confession pasal ada orang cancel kahwin sebab si perempuan tak pandai masak [LINK] . Oh boy hanya tuhan yang tau betapa berdebarnya aku baca confession tu sebab aku antara kalangan orang yang tak pandai masak. Orang yang confess tu ada nyakan pendapat dia sebab2 perempuan tak pandai masak ni, and ada jugak la yang aku terima, and aku nak tambah haha. 

Welp, memang duduk kat uni takleh nak masak sebab mana boleh memasak kat kolej kan, kalau ko nak ikut ahmad maslan ikut la, but aku taknak. Antara sebab aku taknak ikut adalah sebab sebenarnya aku malas. Malas nak masak. Sanggup berlapar kot kalau kat hostel tu, kalau roomate pegi kafe baru minta tapau. 

Mula degree baru mula duduk hostel, so sejak lahir until form 6 aku duduk rumah bawah ketiak mama abah. Keinginan nak memasak tu takde langsung, takde langsung perasaan nak mula belajar masak tu. Memang mama je yang masak kat rumah. Kalau mama takde kat rumah, kami makan kat luar or mama dah siap masak kami tinggal nak panaskan je la lauk tu. Aku reti masak nasi ok n panaskan lauk. Tu aku reti la. Kalau tinggal sorang memang aku tak makan la jawabnyer. Or at least aku goreng telur / buat roti telur / megi. Tapi megi aku siap tambah sayur telur fishball sotong udang semua la. Bukan la megi kosong macam makan kat hostel, at least tu aku reti kahkahkah. 

Tapi lately ni aku rasa macam tersedo pulak yang aku ni sangat la kurang ilmu didapur. Rasa cemburu kat member yang hebat masak lauk gulai kari kurma semua tu. Umur dah 22 kot, bila nak mula pandai memasak? satgi grad, kerja, kawin. Tu pun kalau sempat kawin. Kalau dapat mak mertua yang macam dalam confession tu, haa tak sempat jadi mak mertua. Jadi pada suatu hari aku pun berazam untuk belajar masak. Sebab takut bakal mak mertua aku kansel perkahwinan aku sebab dapat tau aku tak pandai masak or if dah kawin, laki aku lari sebab aku tak pandai masak LOL 

Nasi goreng aku. Memang takde rupa, tapi atleast aku try wahahaha. Rasa ada, asalkan kenyang. 

Yang ni dah improve sikit dari segi rasa (dari segi presentation pun improve dah hahaha) 

Ni benda yang paling senang kot. Zaman tak pandai masak pun reti jugak masak spaghetti tapi goreng biasa je la. 

Tetiba suatu haritu mama balik serah bahan semua then cakap "nah masak, mama nak tido" 
Ko ghase??? Berdebor k nak masak untuk semua orang kat rumah (4 orang je pun) selama ni selalu masak untuk diri sendiri je. Time tu Allah je la tau lajunya jantung aku masak potong bawang cili bersihkan udang seemua. umang ai. Tapi alhamdulillah semua masih hidup until now haha. 

Attempted nak buat onion rings. Imagine benda mudah macam ni pun aku tak reti dulu tu. 

Saje nak letak sebab cantik hahaha. Kentang tu bukan frozen punya esehh. Sosej + telur tiru idea video jumpa kat instagram haha. 

Ni kes haritu craving, so aku challegne diri aku untuk buat sendiri. Alhamdulillah jadi. Mama memang ada sedia cili blend so senang la kan haha. Cheating la kira. 

Ni lauk siang tadi. Berdua dengan abang. Pun aku challegne diri aku untuk cuba masak instead of p makan luaq. Practice make perfect kan. 

Ni special haha. Believe it or not, ni first time aku buat kek batik. Orang komen suppose biskut pecahkan lagi kecik, supaya cantik bila potong. Ok next time buat lagi. 

Ha ni duuuuulu aku buat. Pernah ada zaman aku minat baking. But tatau kenapa minat tu tetiba stop. Gambar hokkaido cupcake aku tak jumpa pulak. 

Secara jujurnya aku masih lagi tak pandai masak. I am still learning, even umur dah 22 kan, but it is never too late to learn kan kan kannn. Tapi kalau korang suruh aku hias kek guna butter cream, haa tu aku hebat. Haritu kumpul gambar-gambar kek yang aku hias, macam boleh buat portfolio apply masuk kolej menghias kek (ade ke?) 

Aim aku adalah nak belajar masak lemak cili api, kari, kurma, carbonara, bolognaise etc. Senang cerita aku nak improve skill memasak aku la. Jangan kecam please haha. Walaupun effort aku setakat ni macam ape je, setakat greng sayur, udang suma tu, benda mudah, tapi at least aku cuba. Dulu sumpah aku tak pernah masak even sayur. 

Bila aku dah pandai masak benda yg hebat aku update lagi LOL

Friday, June 10, 2016

Fac of Business, Economics, and Accountancy Grand Night